Begaydocrimes:
I've always had issues with my body; it probably started with the fact that my first boyfriend would always call me stuff like 'plump', and 'thick', when I really wasn't - he was honestly just a beanpole. It only really got worse from there, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel so ugly, and fat, and unlovable that all I can think about is taking a knife to my softer parts and hacking them off.
The weird thing is that I genuinely don't believe being fat is ugly. Of course I don't; the guy I have a crush on right now is overweight, and I think he's the most beautiful, sexy creature to ever set foot on this mortal realm. I think my heavier friends are some of the prettiest men and women I know, and I don't mean that disingenuously; I seriously, completely, and utterly believe in beauty at all sizes... Except when it applies to me. I have no idea how I can admire fat on others so much, but feel so disgusting and useless when it's on me. I have no idea how to break free from these stupid, internal double standard and love myself the way I love others.
Anybody ever go through anything similar?
wanting people to treat you the way you treat them, wanting people to see you the way you see them, are NOT ridiculous requests for the world. It's okay to accept people for being shit asses, but don't embrace them for it, you can do better, there are plenty of people in the world that don't suck.